Alien Ray Captured

Captured Alien Ray being analysed prior to being sent for manufacture in Tokyo.

Professor Ruhmkorff – inventor of the infamous R-Korff Koil – is seen here inserting his hand into the beams of the captured ray.

The professor was last seen exiting the basement of The Tokyo Institute of Alien Rays with his hand emitting fiery cries and whistles believed to be in the language of the aliens themselves.

The manufacturers, The Tokyo Ray Machine Company, have declined to make a statement and instead have offered to back-engineer the remains of the previous owners’ Time Machine in a bid to recover the two elderly ramblers from their presently unknown and far-distant location in time, believing that they may hold the key to the mystery of the ray.

However, it has been pointed out to the TRMC that the time machine was rumoured to have the further highly secret facility of transporting life forms (such as the elderly couple) not only backwards or forwards in time but sideways into who knows where.

Meanwhile, the alien ray continues to burn in the secret laboratory with no one to oversee its mysterious activity.

Has the hand of the missing professor become an interplanetary communication device?

Will the Tokyo Time Machine Company return from its forced retirement and rescue the elderly folks from the clutches of the sideways who-knows-what?

Will grass yet be discovered on the moon?

Worrying and yet exciting times indeed!

Tokyo Time Machine

Hope was rekindled recently by news that a "Time and Cross-Dimensional Transporter” had been unveiled in Tokyo, a town believed to lie on the upper reaches of the Thames.

If this machine could have done even half of what was claimed for it there might have been the possibility of revisiting the moon in that distant time when the strange events regarding the crashed British UFO occurred.

The problem was that the British Lunar Expeditionary Forces Memorial Troupe were concerned that this which they considered to be an entirely unflightworthy contraption just happened to bear a striking resemblance to a famous London landmark and might, therefore, infringe upon ancient rights and privileges.

However, a spokesperson for the makers of the machine, The Tokyo Time Machine Company, was reported to have said, “Any resemblance of our unique and utterly enchanting vehicle to your so-called 'Big Ben' is purely coincidental. Yours goes 'Bong Bong' while ours is gone before you even know it’s there! So there!"

Ha! He put himself right in it there. No one had even mentioned Big Ben! The whole thing now appears to have been some kind of pyramid scheme and the proprietors of the company were swiftly ensconced on the back benches of the government and have to this day refused to comment on the whole unhappy enterprise.

The plastic bag containing the original plans and secret formulas is said to have been "accidentally" left under a table in a notorious North London Pub.

It is also rumoured that the fearsome prototype of the machine, having been abandoned in the Tokyo countryside, being struck one day by summer lightning, powered itself up and spontaneously transported two elderly ramblers back so far in time that all hope of ever recovering them has been abandoned.

All that remained of the hapless couple was a small grass fire which mysteriously still refuses to be extinguished.

Oh well, never mind.