Answering Alice

I've been told I should answer Alice’s questions instead of letting my paranoia… I won’t even comment on that. But if you knew what I know…

Anyhow, I’ll do my best, Alice. But remember, when you ask a question, it’s not like sniffing flowers.

Alice asked, “what’s going on, where am I?” We’ll come back to “what’s going on?” But first let’s look at “where am I?”

You’ve come to the right place for an answer to that. We cats know exactly where we are. How? Simple. We stand still.

I can hear you now: “Why didn’t I think of that?” Well, my guess is that you did. It just got lost among all the other things that were on your mind at the time.

Yes, Alice, If you’re standing still, that means you’re standing! So no sitting this one out. On your feet, girl! The Whisper way is to think one thing as though your legs are thinking it.

Here is a picture of two Alices who know where they are.  Thinking on their feet, so to speak.

As for, “what’s going on?” You’ll only know what’s going on when you know where you are. And we already know how to do that now, don't we?

Here is a picture of two Alices who know what’s going on.

And finally, a picture of an Alice who doesn’t know what’s going on. She’s trying to look around the corner. We don’t want to end up like that now, do we?

So next time you’re not sure where you are or what’s going on, just look at the pictures of the two Alices and ask yourself, “Which one am I?” And no cheating; you can only be one at a time.

Unless, of course, there really are... two of you…

Or more…

The Two Alices

The two Alices caught on CCTV using the Public Library computers.

Comments are being left here from so-called “Alices”. It was only a matter of time. Alien / Alias / Alice… Everything is falling into place.

It is believed that the Queen’s Speech was subtly codified with subliminal messages designed to disorientate the alien – or as we now know them – the “Alice” visitors.

One Alice commented (and I quote in full) “where am I now?” And previous to that, another asked, “what’s going on, where am I?” (See comments 26 May)

One even posted a picture of herself peering into the bathroom mirror as though trying to see straight through into the insides of our dear old computer. Ha! No such luck missy! You seem to have left the hot tap running and you’ve steamed up the glass.

-----------------------------------------

Alice, this is Jenny.  I have given Whisper a piece of her favourite Victoria sponge cake dipped in purple Vimto. She’s feeling a lot better now. I think she has been listening to too many Queen’s speeches.

Thank you for your pertinent questions.

Comments, questions, or “other-worldly” sponge cake recipes are always welcome.  (But remember we may have Whisper to answer to.)

– Jenny

Sky Car Encounter

An early photograph of a sighting of an extraterrestrial car.

The appearance of four-wheeled vehicles in our skies is not just a recent phenomenon. It seems to have been going on for some years.

Fortunately for us the vehicles are easily identifiable, continuing to be of a type that would not be allowed anywhere near today’s busy highways and airport car parks.

According to the elderly witness, a sudden change in weather forced the vehicle to land. No intelligible words were exchanged but as a parting gift, the driver gave the man his spare pair of driving goggles.

The occupants waved happily as the swaying vehicle began its ascent and when it had attained sufficient height the ladies held onto their hats and amid clouds of pungent smoke, flashes and explosions from the rear, the car was gone.

Although in shock and still wearing his newly acquired goggles, the elderly man was able to give such a lucid account of his encounter that the report was serialised in the parish newsletter.

It is said that a few days later the witness was visited by two strangers to the village and subsequently never spoke another word about the event.

For the photographer, it turned out to be a very lucrative assignment. But the question remains: Who tipped him off? And why?

My oh my, how things have changed!

Alien Car In Custody

The Extraterrestrial Car in the Custody of the Queen’s Astrologers.

Queen's Speech Shock

Intruder being ejected from the procession to the Great Sphinx following the Queen’s Speech.

Yesterday, while we were absorbed in examining the picture entitled “The Chariot of the Stars”, uncannily and at that very moment occurred what we all have come to believe to be “The Queen’s Speech”.

Now it is well known that the Queen has a great fondness for cats and that they in return have a great fondness for her, so it came as a cause of celebration among the world’s cats to learn that we no longer will be required to carry identity cards, papers or embarrassing pictures of ourselves.

This was made all the more poignant by the fact that this historic announcement was virtually drowned out by noisy trumpets and the sudden onslaught of the clearing of throats. It was enough to make one weep.

Because the Queen only speaks once a year and has to read slowly from notes written for her by the Royal Society of Astrologers and Fortune-tellers, the least the fidgety audience could have done was cover their faces with their handkerchiefs to conceal their blank looks and strangely staring eyes.

Had the huge audience in the Speech Cathedral been infiltrated by “visitors”? If so, then what have they got against cats? They must have been smugly pleased to hear not a word said about their all-too-public presence on this planet.

The discovery of yet another of the “visitors” afterwards at the Sphinx Ceremony only reaffirms the increasingly widespread belief that they may already be semi-happily at home in our midst.

At least the long-awaited right of cats to stray without being interrogated by any old busybody that happens by is something to be mightily grateful for.

The arrested entity was later found to be carrying the keys to an unidentifiable car believed to be of extra-terrestrial origin. The vehicle is now in the custody of the Queen’s Astrologers and an announcement of interest to all is expected.

The Chariots of the Stars may be amongst us and they might not be what we expected.

The Queen will no doubt comment upon this next year.

Chariot of the Stars?

After seeing my dream picture yesterday and still being unable to shake off the strange atmosphere that accompanied both the dream and the waking, I asked Jenny to help me select one of her pictures.  I call these Jenny’s Magic Photographs. Jenny calls them something else.

We mixed and moved all the picture cards face down until we ended up with just one: THE CHARIOT.

This curious two-wheeled vehicle has some surprising secrets up its sleeve. Firstly, don’t be fooled by the stars on the lovely curtains; this is no Chariot of the Stars. These and the star on the driver’s hat simply mean that he is the proud owner of the latest satellite navigation system. The flying sun logo probably means the Chariot is solar powered.  This is a short-range leisure vehicle if ever there was one.

He has evidently just found a parking space close to the Thames, which can be seen flowing by in the background. However, the Westminster parking wardens are known to wield a pen mightier than the sword, so the two Sphinxes keep a sharp eye out for them.

The Sphinx on the right is the Great Thames Sphinx, apparently wheeled there from Egypt at the same time as the Thames itself was built.  The Sphinx on the left is an Egyptian cousin who has been keeping a low profile in London lately. However, something in the distance has caught their attention.

Has the vehicle just been spotted by a group of Trainee Police Officers who were on their way to the Thames for their lunchtime swim?

The driver certainly appears to be searching his memory for a punchy one-liner in case he is caught off guard by a trick question.

As you can see, there is more to this picture than at first meets the eye and I’m sure we’ll be returning to it at a future date. But the way this card has turned up at just this moment, remains an extraordinary coincidence.

Whisper's Amazing Dream Picture

It’s me, Whisper. I’m back. Although I never really went away. At least not far.

I was sometimes under the big chair or out in the garden where Jenny doesn’t cut the grass. And, yes, it was me who was drinking the water and not the aliens! Thank you Jenny.

Two nights ago I had the most extraordinary dream. Jenny has helped me put together a picture of it, which you see here.

But first, I must mention Jenny’s contribution while I was “away”. I am amazed by her startling findings and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Anyhow, back to the dream…

I can’t explain exactly what it all means but I can see how it’s tied in to recent events. It’s just like being there all over again.

I woke up feeling afraid and yet that must be me there in the dream, standing firm and looking danger right in the eyes. I certainly don’t have a long white beard, but who else could it be?

And who is it that is overseeing the confrontation? That definitely could be me. And what about the other one? Unlikely, but another me?

Anyhow Jenny, you’ve given me a lot to think about, and now I have this rather unsettling dream picture.

Things are starting to connect at last.

But strange how I’m still not sure which one is me. Am I remembering or am I still in the dream?

And in case anyone thought of asking after all that: Yes, of course cats dream.

Paranoia and the Internet

Here we see the powerful secondary current being induced.

It appears that this previously unknown current of the R-Koff Koil induces a high level of anxiety and paranoia in anyone in close proximity.

Now, if this effect could be focused and redirected back towards the source of the Alien Ray it might prove highly effective in causing said source to retreat in a state of high anxiety and panic.

But would this really be advisable? Note the use here of one of the Professor’s trumpets. Perhaps, after all, the purpose of the Koil was not to alienate the Ray but to communicate with it, or rather with the Intelligence behind its so far apparently sinister influence.

Anxiety, paranoia, fear of being alone… Does this remind you of anything?

In fact are we seeing here, revealed for the first time, the covert purpose of the Internet?

Are we being subliminally influenced by the secondary current in a planet-wide operation to communicate with entities beyond the veil?

By the way, Whisper is back. And she has quite a surprise for you.

Her time away has not been wasted.

Jenny

The R-Koff Koil Revealed

A detailed picture of the R-Koff Koil Mk II. “Powered,” according to Whisper “by The Great ERM”.

Ah yes, I see it there: The ERM. Intriguing.

This just leaves my speechless!

We really do need Whisper back here to explain more.

It certainly seems to be an improvement upon the original Koil. If anything’s going to apprehend the Alien Ray then this is probably it.

But strange, very strange indeed.

Jenny

Interplanetary Time Trumpets

Professor Ruhmkoff listening to his Interplanetary Time Trumpets.

This is the picture that Whisper intended to show you next.

The professor seems enthralled by what he is hearing.

Little is known of the true purpose of the trumpets and perhaps Whisper can enlighten us further on that. But my initial impression is that the professor used them to scan the heavens for broadcasts from other planets. Judging by this photograph, he appears to have been successful.

This must have been just before his traumatic experience with the Alien Ray.

The time machine, the alien ray, and now the trumpets; are we seeing some kind of pattern emerging here?

Come back Whisper!

By the way, I left a bowl of water in the kitchen. Somebody is certainly drinking from it.

Jenny

Where is Whisper?

Hello. This is not Whisper. This is Jenny. And that’s not a picture of me, it’s one of Whisper’s pictures which she says reminds her of me.

So why am I here and not Whisper?

Well, the last I saw of Whisper was at breakfast and since then not a whisker. I have an idea where she might be but I like to let her have these little times to herself. She seems to have been under a lot of pressure lately.

But that picture of “me”… It’s from a book my mother had when she was young and Whisper and I would often look through it together. Now it’s part of Whisper’s quite amazing collection.

I know that Whisper had intended to show you a few more pictures today about the strange story she’s been telling you. So I’m going to post them straight after this.

I won’t say much about the pictures apart from the few details Whisper has already told me. If anything needs filling in, she can do that when she’s back.

Actually, I rather like this picture. She looks like she means business and knows how to get things done. And very interesting to see the insides of the telephone she is using. As you will already know, one of Whisper’s many interests is the insides of things.

In its own strange way this little picture inspires me.

Anyhow, “There it is,” as Whisper would say, “for you to look at whenever you want”. Maybe it will inspire you too to go on and get things done.

Alien Ray Captured

Captured Alien Ray being analysed prior to being sent for manufacture in Tokyo.

Professor Ruhmkorff – inventor of the infamous R-Korff Koil – is seen here inserting his hand into the beams of the captured ray.

The professor was last seen exiting the basement of The Tokyo Institute of Alien Rays with his hand emitting fiery cries and whistles believed to be in the language of the aliens themselves.

The manufacturers, The Tokyo Ray Machine Company, have declined to make a statement and instead have offered to back-engineer the remains of the previous owners’ Time Machine in a bid to recover the two elderly ramblers from their presently unknown and far-distant location in time, believing that they may hold the key to the mystery of the ray.

However, it has been pointed out to the TRMC that the time machine was rumoured to have the further highly secret facility of transporting life forms (such as the elderly couple) not only backwards or forwards in time but sideways into who knows where.

Meanwhile, the alien ray continues to burn in the secret laboratory with no one to oversee its mysterious activity.

Has the hand of the missing professor become an interplanetary communication device?

Will the Tokyo Time Machine Company return from its forced retirement and rescue the elderly folks from the clutches of the sideways who-knows-what?

Will grass yet be discovered on the moon?

Worrying and yet exciting times indeed!

Fear of Flying

A Sudden Drop In Altitude

I have just received a message from Penelope saying that last night the aeroplane she was travelling in had a sudden drop in altitude and that she is still recovering from the shock.

As it was pitch dark outside, the passengers didn't know how near they had come to making an unscheduled and catastrophic landing in the frozen and inaccessible regions of the north.

Of additional concern to the passengers was the sight of sparks, then flames and dense smoke belching from the plane’s engines.

Penny then goes on to describe in brilliant and evocative detail the way her whole life flashed before her eyes like a classic Hollywood B-movie.

I responded immediately of course and I reproduce here a facsimile of the transcript of my instant response message to the poor girl.

Dear Penny,

So glad to hear from you and to know that you arrived safe and sound at your destination in wondrous Iceland.

I do hope that you enjoy the boiling springs and that you have the courage to climb all the way to the top of the 1783 Eruption Memorial Tower and see (cloud cover permitting) the magical icy landscape beckoning far below.

Do take care though in descending the often icy iron spiral stairs. Not many people realise that going down is far more hazardous than going up.

And another note of warning: Do not return on the intended date. For reasons unknown to me, all flights that day are being diverted to a football field on the outskirts of Istanbul.

Do not under any circumstances consider hitch-hiking home.

Yours,
Whisper

DID SHE SAY ICELAND?!

Tokyo Time Machine

Hope was rekindled recently by news that a "Time and Cross-Dimensional Transporter” had been unveiled in Tokyo, a town believed to lie on the upper reaches of the Thames.

If this machine could have done even half of what was claimed for it there might have been the possibility of revisiting the moon in that distant time when the strange events regarding the crashed British UFO occurred.

The problem was that the British Lunar Expeditionary Forces Memorial Troupe were concerned that this which they considered to be an entirely unflightworthy contraption just happened to bear a striking resemblance to a famous London landmark and might, therefore, infringe upon ancient rights and privileges.

However, a spokesperson for the makers of the machine, The Tokyo Time Machine Company, was reported to have said, “Any resemblance of our unique and utterly enchanting vehicle to your so-called 'Big Ben' is purely coincidental. Yours goes 'Bong Bong' while ours is gone before you even know it’s there! So there!"

Ha! He put himself right in it there. No one had even mentioned Big Ben! The whole thing now appears to have been some kind of pyramid scheme and the proprietors of the company were swiftly ensconced on the back benches of the government and have to this day refused to comment on the whole unhappy enterprise.

The plastic bag containing the original plans and secret formulas is said to have been "accidentally" left under a table in a notorious North London Pub.

It is also rumoured that the fearsome prototype of the machine, having been abandoned in the Tokyo countryside, being struck one day by summer lightning, powered itself up and spontaneously transported two elderly ramblers back so far in time that all hope of ever recovering them has been abandoned.

All that remained of the hapless couple was a small grass fire which mysteriously still refuses to be extinguished.

Oh well, never mind.

Dancing on the Moon

After yesterday’s revelations, Jenny pointed out to me that there must have been a photographer present when the picture of the crew of the crashed UFO was taken.

Of course! Why didn’t I think of it? But who could it have been? A fourth member of the crew? Unlikely, since it was only a three man vehicle. Which leaves us with one very unsettling conclusion: The photograph had to have been taken by sombody already on the moon!

When we had sufficiently recovered, suddenly Jenny had a brilliant idea. She enlarged the picture on her computer until we could see the glass front of the pocket watch hanging on one of the crew’s waistcoat. The idea was that we might see in the glass a reflection of the photographer. Genius!

However, either things had gone seriously wrong in the process, or something far more sinister had been discovered. To our amazement, instead of a photographer, we saw…

Well, I leave it for you to make your own mind up.

But as far as I’m concerned, I’m beginning to wish I had never even heard of THE MOON.

British UFO Crash

The first British UFO crash-lands on the moon.

Further indisputable proof of the prior British presence on the moon.

As we can see, all three members of the crew survived, but where are they now?

Where will they be when England is transported to the moon?

Will they be warned in time?

These are exactly the craft needed at this time of threat to national security. Perhaps more are being built as we speak; but the British people love secrets and so we will probably be kept in suspense right up until the last moment when suddenly the skies are filled with whistling steam and volcanic smoke as the rescuers descend from their secret hiding place...

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOON!

Let us hope they are better trained in their landing skills this time.

The First Secret Moon Landing

The first British Expeditionary Force to land on the moon.

Evidence has come to light that America was not the first to transport men to the moon. (Apparently the ladies declined the invitation - well done, ladies.)

Of course this risky enterprise had to be kept a closely guarded secret by the British First Family. A lot was at stake and if word had leaked out to the other planets all would have been lost. I cannot explain further, but I’m sure that at some time in the future the secrets of this daring mission will be made known to all.

Jenny has just informed me that the so-called Freedom of Information Act does not extend to the Secret Lunar Expeditionary Forces.

What little information we have been able to get is depressing to say the least. The water was undrinkable and the forces had to rely on British beer for sustenance. Whistling contests and mock dancing battles ensued and all the fossil evidence was accidentally left behind.

They found no grass.

England On The Moon

I have been pawing through my old books and magazines in the hope of throwing some light on the troubling discoveries of the last days.

It wasn’t long before everything had become a blur before my eyes, when suddenly the blur cleared and the picture that you now see before you sprang forth from the blur.

I think Jenny said it is dated 1443. That could be yesterday as far as I’m concerned, but Jenny assures me that it was even before she was born.

Whatever the case, what we have here is startling evidence that as far back as that, plans were afoot to transport England to the moon.

At this point I had to go outside and chew some grass.

Are our so-called “visitors” arriving in order to oversee the transportation? Obviously, the English people would not be willing to move without first having some kind of intelligent discussion.

There appears to be no grass on the moon.

We Are Being Watched

This is a photograph of a professor of telescopes instructing children on the differences between them (the children) and the invading “visitors”.

Isn’t he being a little naïve in assuming that children will remember all this information?

A child is very much like a cat. We know exactly what is happening but have little interest in what happened before. Regarding what is about to happen, only grown up people are confused enough to bother thinking about that.

However, while they are looking the other way, something strange is happening outside in the sky.

It appears that a so-called “star” is looking down the tube of the telescope and can see everything that is happening in the darkened room.

This is startling, to say the least! But there is more!

Just as the professor puts his hand into the all-seeing ray of light, the bones in his fingers become clearly visible to the children.

The startled children show remarkable composure. But the boy is whispering to his little sister, “We’ve got to get out of here!”

If only children wouldn’t stroke the fur of their cat the wrong way when they think no one is looking, we cats might have an ally in the worrying times that now seem to be upon us.

Whisper's Depression Remedy

We will return to the unfolding mystery of the alien invasion, but Maya writes that she suffers from depression and I feel that this deserves my fullest attention. She has taken the pills but wonders if I might be able to suggest an alternative remedy.

Well, the first thing is to notice just how small the feeling really is. If it’s in your head then it must be smaller than your head. And likewise for everywhere else inside you.

Look at the poor man in the picture. Where do you think his sadness is? Well, maybe he’s not the best example. But at least you can see there’s not much room in there for anything else. We’re all pretty much full up as it is.

What makes it seem so big is all the thinking you do about it.

So first of all remember: The thinking you do about what you feel isn’t what you feel.

Being stuck in that tiny space together those two little dears, thinking and feeling, can easily get confused. So what we must do is untangle them for a while.

Easier said than done? Not at all. You’ve seen cats doing it all the time. Stretching.

Have you ever seen sticky thoughts or feelings stretched out till they can’t take it any more and just fall about laughing? Believe me, it’s a sight to behold!

Go on, give yourself a good old stretch.

So there you have it in three easy steps:
It’s little, it’s not what you think it is, and it secretly loves being stretched out and made all giggly and warm.

Oh, and a little walk with nothing more than walking to think about can do wonders too.

Another good one is lying in the grass and losing yourself among the clouds.

Happy dreams.

Just don't start seeing strange things flying around up there. Look what it’s done to me!

Captured Alien Craft

Captured alien “Circles” (UFOs) on display in St. Paul’s Cathedral, London.

The Pope of London declared them to be “friendly”. And no one dared ask the witty man where he got his information from.

So after the ceremonies and exorcisms of the “Circles” many members of the audience stayed on to discuss the dread machines.

All apparently went well until it was realised that some of the crew of the alien craft were actually sitting in the audience and laughing loudly at the customarily diverse opinions of the British people.

Well, this proved to be too much for some and the aliens were invited to a local pub in order to prove or disprove once and for all the widespread belief that aliens evaporate when in the presence of British beer.

The aliens agreed to the experiment, but upon entering the pub they said they were offended by the décor and hurriedly departed.

So I suppose we are back pretty much where we started.

UFOs Land In Britain

This appears to be a photograph of a vehicle for transporting visitors from one planet to another. It has just landed.

As you can see, this extraordinary vehicle is called the "Circle”; probably what people have mistakenly called a UFO.

It looks very crowded in there but everyone seems happy. It is after all an open top vehicle and there seems an adequate supply of handrails.

Seen from below while passing overhead, these “Circles” might easily have been mistaken for something else. However, reports of singing being heard from the vehicles should have alerted us to their true nature. Tourists often sing together during their journeys. But then, so too do invaders.

Things may be further advanced than we realised.

But how is it driven? There seem to be no wheels or pedals or wings on the machine. Do the people themselves operate the concealed mechanisms by simultaneously leaning forward and pushing on the apparent handrails? I can see no other explanation. And how is it that they all still have their hats on?

Perhaps after all I owe an apology to Anon for prematurely dismissing his or her now obviously well-intended question. (See previous startling post.)

Also, I would like to point out the fact that there are no reports of cats ever having been seen emerging from these foreboding machines.

There are just too many questions that demand answers.

This may be the tip of a sinister iceberg.

Life On Other Planets

Anon wants to know, “Are we in danger of being invaded by beings from other planets?”

Look carefully at the picture. As you can see, there are only nine planets in the world. They rarely come near enough to each other to touch.

It is only when they are touching that people can step from one planet to another. But this hasn’t happened for a long time.

Apparently there is an old book with photographs of people waving to each other as the planets pass close by.

So I don’t think there is anything to be concerned about.

Although sometimes I worry that we haven’t been told everything.

Oh, and the Roids? Probably aeroplanes. It was just a matter of time.

(I think Anon might really be from another planet and is trying to catch me out with a trick question. You’d have to get up very early to do that, Anon!)

Banging the Big Stick

A question from "Zippy": "What sort of work would I be most suited to?”

My first thought is to say, “How would I know? What do you want to do?” But I have a feeling there’s more to Zippy’s question than meets the eye.

Do cats work? Yes, but cat work is different to person work. A cat works so no one notices that it’s work. When a person works they make sure everyone knows about it.

So for this we will look in Jenny’s box of Magic Photographs for an answer.

This is an old photograph of a man who has wandered too far from home.

He carries a lamp but there’s no light in it. The photographer has cleverly positioned himself so that the star appears to be inside the lamp. The star is not in the lamp, it is in the sky. So why has the man let his lamp go out?

Things went wrong for him. He had been advised to try working from home and he just sat there and didn’t have anything to do.

Ever since, he has been wandering around, looking at the ground and picking things up and putting them down again.

Every now and then he bangs the big stick on the ground. Maybe an ant keeps climbing up the stick.

He has just noticed that when his head is bowed he is the same height as the stick. This has made him smile.

I hope that answers your question, Zippy.

(Jenny has just pointed out to me that she used to bang on the floor when the people downstairs were noisy. But I don't see what that's got to do with the question. Anyhow we've moved since then.)

Beyond the Fence

I can remember walking along the top of our back fence and, you know, I don’t think I bothered to look at what was on the other side.

Since then I haven’t climbed up there. It’s high and full of unwelcome surprises.

So I’ve been trying to remember the other side. After all, I can’t have been completely asleep to what was there.

This is what I think I remember. Of course, I only have just so many pictures to choose from, but I think this is the closest I will ever get to it again.

By the way, that isn’t water. Jenny said it is, but I'm not so sure. If it were, then how could those people ignore the enormity of it. They would only have to step over the little fence while looking the wrong way and they’d be gone.

The Whiff

This just has to be one of my most favourite pictures. It always inspires me to greater feats of nonchalance in the face of The Whiff and I am grateful to Jenny for finding it for me.

So to begin. The first question is from “Clare”. According to Jenny, this arrived while I was in the garden looking at the back fence. I can’t think what I thought I was looking at.

Clare, I won’t repeat your question as it is of a personal nature, but thanks for being so concise. It touches on one of the eternal subjects: The Whiff.

I know just how you feel; The Whiff is one of the most unpleasant things you could possibly encounter. Best kept well away from.

Mind you, we cats are most certainly not afraid of The Whiff. Rather it’s the other way around. And unfortunately there are times when the thing just has to be dealt with. Look at the picture: Could even be me up there on the step standing my ground and making the silly clown cower before me.

The Whiff thinks it has every right to do whatever comes into its whiffy head, but not everybody wants to share its excitement.

So we have learned not to do the first thing that comes into our heads. We don’t run (well, not if we can help it). And we have mastered the technique of not showing any interest whatsoever.

However, sometimes you just have to stand there and put The Whiff right. Easier said than done? Not really. The cat in the picture (it just has to be me) is correcting The Whiff on some very important points. Whiff logic seems to make the silly clowns think they’re always right. And of course no one can be always right, especially not whiffs.

So, there she is, up on the step and saying just what she thinks of the absurdity’s line of reasoning. And you can bet, whoever she is, when she got home that night she stood very tall by the refrigerator door.

However, remember that sometimes running might after all be the best option. Just keep in mind: The Whiff doesn't know what it's doing; you do.

I do hope that answers your question, Clare. Chin up girl! Next time something comes along that gives you cause to fear, just think of it as The Whiff and deal with it accordingly. As discussed.

Once you get a taste for it you’ll be laughing!

Secret Questions

An old photograph of people having their questions answered. The man smoking on the right has forgotten his question. People often forget their questions while they're waiting. Happens to me all the time. (Walter says that smoking helps him remember too - Ha, any old excuse not to kick the habit!)

After a little rest and a wander following the puzzling events of a week or so ago, I returned to find the first questions waiting for me.

It is still rather strange for me receiving a question from someone I do not know instead of hearing it from someone I know. It means that I feel I must give it my full attention, which doesn’t end when I’m doing something else. Interesting.

However, I now realise that it’s not the answers that are the secrets, it’s the questions. Whatever answer one might give, the real secret is in the question. Maybe I heard somone say that, but it is quite an interesting idea.

After all, if someone were to say what is right or wrong for you, how could you be sure that what they say is not just what they would do if they were you?

Or to put it another way: No one knows you better than you know yourself. Oh dear, I think I heard that somewhere too. Never mind. At least I know that a quiet moment or two is all it takes to hear what is inside what you are asking. Unless, of course, you then forget your question.

That’s why cats like to get away and think.

Deep Grass

Everyone needs a bit of time away. My aways are never really far away, but they’re where I can’t be followed and that’s the main thing.

If you ask me where I go, I can’t tell you. The picture you see here is not a picture of where I go but it’s the nearest I can find to what it’s like there.

Most of the time I’m there I am thinking. Just like in the picture.

When I think, I see things just like that.

Deep grass is my favourite place.

Sometimes I look up and even if nothing’s there I keep looking. You never know.